Having even one of the beliefs I am going to talk about in a moment is very dangerous and I will prove to you that in the long run it can lead to the end of the relationship. If you have a few of these false beliefs, it may be the reason why you are still not good at forming relationships.
Ready? Meet the 5 biggest misconceptions about love.
1. One of the most dangerous beliefs is that your partner is the source of your happiness.
Or even worse, he or she is responsible for it and they must make sure that you are happy. Let's check the consequences of such thinking. Try to consider the following: if something is the reason for your happiness, won’t you be obsessively afraid of losing it? Won’t you be trying to keep your partner at any cost? Won’t you be constantly afraid that they will leave you? Won't you be jealous of them? The more you are convinced about this, the more desperate your behaviour will appear and the easier it will be to discourage your partner.
But what belief is closer to the reality? The one that in practice you don't really need your partner to be happy. You can be happy even if you break up . What's more, only when you are both happy with yourself, and the desire to keep your partner at any cost and tell them what to do and what not to do will disappear, then you will be both truly free. Moreover, there won’t be any longer reasons for quarrelling.
Lie number 2: Your partner has commitments towards you, so they have to keep them. Because they have sworn that you would be together for better or worse. Or they were just talking so much about the future together, raising your hopes and now they suddenly move away as if there was nothing between the two of you?
Let me ask you a question: would you like someone to be with you against their will? Just because you want it? Would that be real love? In fact, you must be aware that your partner can leave you at any time and you will have to accept it.
What's more, the more you stop them, the faster they will run away. But on the other hand, the more openly you let them know that you have no expectations towards them and that they are completely free, the more willing they will be to stay with you.
Even if you love them very much, you can say: "I love you more than anything in the world. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and start a family with you. But if you don't want it - all right. I don't want you to be with me for anything in the world if you don't want it yourself. This is the opposite of despair and it is a recipe for being very attractive to your partner.
Lie number 3. Your partner should love you - that's their duty after all. If they don’t love you, it means that there is something wrong with them. Why is it a lie? Because they don’t decide whether to love you or not. Love is not a decision you can make. You can't fall in love or stop loving someone on demand.
So what does your partner’s love depend on? And here I have a great news for you! It's up to you. It depends on how attractive you are for them on many levels. It depends on whether the balance of feelings between you is maintained; whether you overwhelm them with grudges and jealousy, or you shower them with hugs and kisses and confessions of love when they are distanced.
So if you feel that your partner has distanced themselves and no longer loves you as much as before, you can't complain to them about it, because it's not their fault. It is your grudges and complains that spoil everything. It is you who should work on your behaviour and the balance of feelings. I have talked about how exactly to do it in my other videos.
Lie number 4: It is your partner who is guilty. Whatever it may be - causing the last argument or spending too much money. If you think in terms of who is guilty and who is not, you stop thinking reasonably and that is when reluctance and conflict arise - and this not only gives you nothing, but also worsens the situation, because it additionally destroys your relationship.
Let's have a look at the following example - your partner has snapped the keys in the car and you'll be late for an important meeting. Will finding the guilty party bring any benefits? Will making your partner aware of the big mistake they have made, mean that they will not make this mistake in the future? Maybe yes, maybe no.
But for sure there will be a much better chance of it, if the conversation is conducted in a friendly and calm atmosphere. As soon as the guilty person is pointed out and they feel attacked, any understanding disappears. The defense mechanisms are activated and the argument begins. This principle also applies to really serious matters.
Lie 5: Your relationship will last for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, this is a lie that most people believe in and you have to accept that. Statistics show that nearly 50% of marriages end up in a divorce, and the vast majority of relationships end much earlier and the marriage never happens.
What is even worse is that those 50% of people who are with each other for the rest of their lives, relationships often remain only on paper, but in fact they end much earlier and people stay with each other mainly because of habit. They live side by side, but not with each other.
Relationships can be compared to taking care of a cat. At the start, it's a little sweet kitten, that you are both crazy about. Then the kitten matures and becomes an ordinary cat. You are no longer as fascinated with him as at the beginning, but he still brings you a lot of joy, and if you take care of him, feed him well and don't leave him alone, he will live a very long time. Perhaps longer than you. But if you neglect your cat, he will lose weight at first and then die. He will become slower and sluggish until he finally dies. And you will still live, but between you there will be only the cat’s dead body. And stroking the corpse no longer gives such satisfaction.
If you are in a relationship already and you want to check what chances of survival your relationship has, do a free test concerning relationships on robertmarchel.com