Being a challenge in practice
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Being a challenge in practice

The very name "principle of inaccessibility" is a bit misleading, so I definitely prefer to call it "being a challenge" for the other person. I am not surprised that so many people react with criticism to the idea of being inaccessible - almost all of us have met someone who wasn't really interested in us at some stage.

In such a case we usually really like this person, but at the same time it is annoying that we can't win them over and sooner or later we let them go. That's the consequence of being too inaccessible and that's what I suppose annoys people the most.

At the other end of the spectrum there is a conscious desire for everything to go exactly as we want it to. Especially when the person we meet is really physically attractive and we are deceived to believe that this is everything we need for a happy relationship.

When we see such a person, it would be ideal if we also caught their eye. We wouldn't like it if suddenly that person wasn't so interested in us. For example, if they postponed the meeting, or God forbid! they wouldn’t reply to our text message. Oh no! After something like this, we would change our mind and again we would be in favour of the death penalty.

But in practice it looks a bit different. Exactly the same effect can be observed in good movies or novels. When we start to identify with the main character and we start to really like them, we wish the best for them from the very beginning. When the plot of the movie begins to indicate that there is a big obstacle in front of the protagonist, we hope that they will overcome all adversities and live a long and happy life. However, this is definitely not the case in the best movies.

First, the protagonist faces various difficulties, which they have to overcome later, in the meantime almost die, only to achieve success at the end. If it wasn't for that, the story would simply be boring. We would get what we want, but we would not have the thrilling emotions that are associated with the uncertainty about the fate of the protagonist.

It is very similar with the principle of inaccessibility and being a challenge. It's not about our hero having cancer, HIV and the death sentence the day after tomorrow. When you meet someone, it is good not to show your intentions from the very beginning, so that the other person is not sure what you want from them - regardless of whether you are a man or a woman. In this very initial phase of acquaintance, after each meeting the other person should be uncertain about what you feel. They should be wondering: “Will you still want to meet? Do you care? Or maybe not so much”.

The key is to find a balance between actions that develop your relationship and not revealing all your cards at the very beginning. Of course, the other person may or should even suspect that something is going on. That you are not calling without a reason. But at the beginning they should never be 100% certain that you are already theirs.

That's why telling the other person too soon: "I love you" can end up in a total disaster.

An integral part of being a challenge is to skillfully observe the interest shown by the other person and react to what he or she communicates. This means that you can easily take an initiative and, for example, offer a meeting, but you have to keep a close eye on what the reaction will be. Does your potential partner also want this? And do they agree to meet right away? Or can you see some hesitation? Or maybe they don’t want to meet at all and give an excuse that they are tired, and that actually they want to watch a very important tv series.

If you see a positive reaction, you don't have to change anything or resort to manipulation. But if you see coldness and distance, there's nothing else left for you to do but to distance yourself a little and give this person more space and time to speak to you first. The more you distance yourself, the more cautious you must be, so that the other person won’t think you are offended.

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