|Imagine a person that from a very young age was fed a very strong narcotic. Its effects are so strong, that almost everything that the man does is intended to get him another dose of the drug. When he finally gets his dose, he feels happy and fulfilled. He is in a great state of mind. However, a lack of the drug causes frustration and depression. It just so happens that we are all dependent of that drug. That drug is the need for approval, respect and love from other people.|
You are enslaved, because you need the approval of other people. You are easily controlled. Don’t believe me? Test it on your friend. When you see him, tell him: “You look great. Did you lose weight? You look 10 years younger”. Guess how he’ll react. You can also guess how he would react if you were to criticize him.
One day a professor said in his lecture that most people allow others to control their frame of mind by using only their words. After this comment, one of the students stood up and said: “That’s not true! I can’t be controlled that way”. The professor then responded: “Shut up and sit down you idiot”. And then it began. “How dare you say that to me? You call yourself a professor?”. The professor started apologizing and saying that he has crossed the line. The student quickly calmed down. After a while, the professor said: “You see? It only took a few words to make you furious and another few to calm you down. And you say you can’t be controlled?”
You can say that it’s human behavior. That’s just how people are. But is that actually true? Is it really human to be a little monkey controlled by everyone around? People who do that are like robots. You press a complement button and the robot immediately reacts – it’s happy and pleased. Then you press a criticism button – the robot is crushed. Its whole day is ruined.
Do you want to know what human behavior means?
There once was an elderly man. Every morning he walked to the store to buy a newspaper. The seller was always rude towards him. Sometimes he didn’t answer to his “good morning”. Others, he mumbled something fussily. One day, the elderly man’s son noticed the way his father was getting treated and said to him: “Why do you keep buying your newspaper in a place where the seller is so rude to you? Why can’t you go to the kiosk nearby?” The man answered: “Why should he decide where I buy my newspaper?”
Does this mean that it’s possible to be completely resistant to the words of other people? Yes. How to achieve that?
The first step is to understand that you don’t need other people in order to be happy. Of course we are all dependent on each other on the levels of our interests. That’s how society works. You need a baker, doctor or a police officer. This kind of dependence is ok. But it’s not true when they say that you need your family, friends, boyfriend or girlfriend in order to be happy. You can think about that.
One young woman was in a relationship with an attractive man. She was deeply in love, but one day they broke up and it caused her a lot of pain. She believed that he made her happy and now that he’s gone it’s impossible to be happy again. However, time passed and she got back into normal life. She was happy once again – just like the way she was before she met him. It turned out that she did not need him to be happy.
This applies to other things. You don’t need success, money, respect or recognition from other people to be happy. You don’t need to be loved either. You need to love – yes. It’s a natural need. But you can live without the love and affection of other people.
Second, be aware of what goes on around you. When you experience negative emotions during contact with other people, realize that it’s your own business, not theirs. You don’t have to accept anything they say. Observe your own and their behavior as if you were standing on the side. Don’t take anything personally. When the desperate need to be liked, respected and wanted by other people disappears, nothing will be able to hurt you anymore. You will be free.
To achieve this, you don’t need any effort. You just need to understand. Start today and observe yourself as if you were standing on the side. Notice the things that make you mad or sad. Notice when other people take control over your emotions. Be aware of it all.
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See you next week!