Energy vampires. How to deal with them?
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Energy vampires. How to deal with them?

The term "energy vampire" awakens downright disgust and aversion straight away and when such a preconception appears automatically, it’s very difficult to understand and have an objective approach to the case. Therefore, let's drop the label and look at what the people behind it really are. What’s your guess? Are these people happy when they bring someone down? Or rather are they unhappy themselves and bring other people down with their views unknowingly? Are people mischievous and arrogant, because they were drawn to some cartoon villain when they were kids, or perhaps because life has treated him very brutally and they became bitter because of it? Does such an attitude make them fall into a vicious circle and time by time pushes people away from them? These were two rhetorical questions.

These so-called energy vampires, are people that have been cruelly treated by fate. People who have a lot of problems. Unsure of themselves. Unhappy. Unaware. People who do not have many friends and push others away. People who have fallen into a vicious circle and do not know how to get out of it. People who often mask their insecurity and low self-esteem as arrogance and aggression.

Fear and aversion to energy vampires also stems from the belief that such a person can do something to us without our permission. That they can suck the energy out of us being in our company and we can’t do anything about it. But it is the same nonsense as the belief that words hurt. And the truth is that neither the energy vampires, nor words hurt. You hurt yourself because you’re so gentle. Just a word of criticism about the fact that you have ugly shoes and you’re already in a bad mood. This makes you easy to control. It only takes a stranger telling you off while you’re driving to have your pressure sky-rocket or even be ready for a fist fight. It's like a marionette on a string – if there’s stimulus, there’s a reaction. Automatic and thoughtless.

It’s the same in the company of vampires. Poor, miserable people will say something bad about you and you instantly react. You're too worried to look at the situation from a distance and try understanding it. If you were able to do this, you would suddenly see it from a different perspective. You would be able to have a normal conversation with such a person. Give them support. Teach them a different approach and perhaps even save them from the vicious circle that they exist in.

Therefore, it is not about distancing yourself from these people every time, but about understanding that they are not the problem. On the contrary, with this knowledge and by being in their company, you can learn to hold back the your automatic responses and greatly expand your empathy. And this will has an influence on your relationships with other people.

Imagine that your boyfriend or your girlfriend yells at you, but you do not get angry and feel a distaste for them, because you know that this verbal aggression stems from their suffering and hurt feelings.

I encourage you to try this approach, but if someone still brings you down and there’s nothing you can do about it, cutting them off might actually be a good idea. However, try this method in less demanding situations.

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See you next week!
Robert Marchel