How to break with a girl/boyfriend? 9 important principles
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How to break with a girl/boyfriend? 9 important principles

1. You must be sure that you want to end this relationship.

Never act under the influence of emotions, because you can easily start to regret it. Even if you are very upset about your partner's behaviour, it is better to wait until the emotions have passed and then think about whether you really want to break up.

Even if you have already decided to break off, wait at least a few days, most preferably even a week. This is a decision that can be irreversible, so use this time to think about whether it is worth giving this person another chance or not. If you still want to break up after these few days, do it. At least you will be more confident about what you are doing.

2. Don't postpone a decision to break up just because you don't want to hurt someone.

If that person is strongly attached to you, no matter how you part with them, they will suffer anyway. In practice, you will greatly harm them and yourself by staying in such a weak relationship for months or even years, because it wastes your and your partner's time. And by breaking up with your partner, you do not condemn them to eternal loneliness.

The earlier you do it, the sooner your partner will come to terms with the whole situation and start a new relationship. If you look at it in a rational way, it is much better than being in a relationship in which you are not loved and which in the end is doomed anyway.

3. Make things clear. It is much easier to say that you need a break or that you want to continue friendship.

But if you have decided that you want to break up, it will be much better if you say it directly and break off the contact with this person - at least for a while.

4. Watch out for the yoyo effect after breaking up.

Listening to hundreds of stories during my consultation on coming back to ex-partners, I noticed that often just after breaking up, even if someone was 100% sure of it before, suddenly they start to think about their decision, and even regret it. This is a normal result.

Even if you have made this decision, you are in the moment of your life after breaking up, when you can lose that person forever - and that makes this person more challenging for you and automatically more attractive. Be aware that this is only a temporary irrational twist in your thinking and don't make hasty decisions about coming back to your ex. Because if you agree to come back shortly after breaking up, you will probably soon start regretting it again.

5. It is a big mistake to wait for the right excuse to break up.

Don't do this because it can take a long time and you'll lose a lot of time. If you are already sure that you want to break up, it is good reason enough to do so.

6. You will show your partner the most respect by telling him/her that you want to break up right in their face - and that's the best way to do it.

This will be an opportunity to help them understand why you have made this decision and answer all their questions - and really end this relation. But if it's too difficult for you, and it's not possible to meet in the near future - do it while talking on the phone. Even if it is too difficult for you - and no wonder, because it is a very emotional moment - you can also write a letter to this person and describe the motives of your decision there. It will be much better than postponing the decision to break up indefinitely.

7. Remember that breaking up is not an act of selfishness, but assertiveness.

You are not selfish if you live the way you want to live and do exactly what you want with your life. A egoist is someone who tells others how to live, so that it is good for them. In this case it may be your partner who doesn't want to let you go.

8. Never blame yourself for breaking up.

You didn't know that the relationship would look the way it looks - because if you had known, you wouldn't have started it at all. Even if your partner suffers, feeling guilty won't help him or you. And if the person you want to leave tries to instil a sense of guilt in you, then know that what you felt wasn't even love. "I love you only if you are with me. If you prefer to leave, I hate you. - if this is the narrative of the other side, you are treated rather like a broken toy that no longer serves its purpose. If that person really loved you, he or she would let you go and still wanted the best for you. 

9. If your partner says that they will commit a suicide when you break up with them and you think it is very likely - which sometimes happens - then make a decision to break up anyway, tell him/her straight away, but promise to meet the next day anyway. Then start contacting and meeting them less and less often to slowly get them used to the fact that you will not be together and don’t give them any major stimulus to hurt themselves.

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