How to deal with loneliness - the untypical method
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How to deal with loneliness - the untypical method

The reason you feel bad when you are alone is the fact that you are firmly convinced that other people are necessary for your happiness. You yourself superimpose limitation like: "I will not be happy until I find a friend or a partner." But have you ever wondered if you can be happy even if you’re alone?

Pain and negative emotions arise when you live in your head. When you believe your thoughts. That's why the thought "I'm lonely" can make you sad or even cry. But have you ever thought what it would be like if you lived like you live now, doing what you do? If you were still as lonely as you are now, but totally not aware of it or not paying attention to it? If you didn’t care at all. Stop this video now and take a moment to imagine yourself in everyday situations without thinking "I'm lonely." Do it now.

Have you noticed how different your emotions were? Have you ever thought that you are unhappy only when you focus on the things you don’t have?

Let’s see an example. Imagine a very shy man who’s forty-something year old and has never had a girlfriend. He’s even never been kissed. He feels very unhappy because of this. One day he went to the cinema. He watched a good comedy and had a great time. He laughed himself to tears. He left the cinema happy, but before he got back home, he saw a couple in love along the way. This immediately reminded him that after all he is alone, so he should be unhappy.

That man’s cause of misery is the assumption that he has to have a girlfriend - that’s his illusion about the reality. Nothing more.

Or maybe you think that one cannot be happy in a similar situation? Well. Most people would feel like the man did, because we’re programmed in such a way. These are the things the society teaches us. But there are people who would be happy in the very same situation. They have simply accepted it as it is and stopped caring about it.

Maybe you think that the man should be miserable? That misery motivates him to act? Well, if he wasn’t motivated for so many years, it probably isn’t a question of motivation - at least not in connection to that feeling.

Notice that I did not say that if you are lonely, then you should not do anything to change it. Just the opposite! You should leave the house and meet new people. But it will go much better if you do not have any pressure on yourself and when you are not stressed. When you are happy with yourself and the people you meet are only an addition to your life. When you learn not to connect your happiness with other people.

Be aware of all these things. At the beginning the feeling of loneliness may still be in you. Realize that it’s all only because of your thoughts. It's only an illusion that you have in your head. Never fight with those thoughts. Deal with them. Tell yourself: "OK I’m feeling lonely at the moment." Observe it. See when it comes and when it goes away. It may be that you feel lonely on weekends only for a few hours - but you’ve assumed that, you always feel lonely. The very fact that you start to be aware of this process and cease to identify with these thoughts will make you less disturbed by feeling lonely.

If you want to check how confident and aware you are, please take a short and completely free test.

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See you next week!
Robert Marchel