|To get rid of complexes, first we have to consider how they work. Imagine that Monica has a huge complex about her small breasts. She compares herself to her friends and believes that she looks less attractive in their company. Every time when her breasts are more exposed, for example on the beach or at the pool, she feels bad and ashamed. Her inner voice tells her a lot of stupid things that make Monica a lot less confident. Therefore, having complexes is nothing positive and brings only negative emotions.|
However, as studies show, we are a lot more critical of ourselves than other people, so when you judge yourself because of your complexes, not only are you not objective, but you also start taking part in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Unconsciously you start to filter reality, so that it fits what you believe about yourself. This will make you even more sure of your convictions and you will be even more critical of yourself, because your interpretations of events are often exaggerated.
For example when Monica gets rejected by a guy that she liked, she will immediately associate it with her small breasts and it will be a lot harder for her to acknowledge that it was because of the fact that she was too timid and too shy. Therefore, the question arises: how to get rid of complexes?
Complexes arise from the fact that you believe that you have to be different than you are right now. You compare yourself to the people around you and you gain the conviction that you have to look just as good, make the same amount of money and have the same success to feel that you are valuable enough. Complexes arise when you believe that you are worse than the rest of society. However, such thinking implies that you have to be perfect in every way, because that will prevent you from feeling bad.
But does that makes sense if people are imperfect by nature and virtually everyone has some disadvantages? Do we always have to feel bad because of them?
Getting rid of complexes does not require any action nor improving yourself. It only requires a change in the way you think. This doesn’t mean that you have to tell yourself that you’re ok in some aspects of life and worse in others. This still means that you compare yourself to others and build your self-esteem based on external factors. The key to getting rid of complexes is to understand that you do not have to compare to anyone and that not everyone has to like you and accept you. That will never happen. The easiest way to get rid of complexes are these three simple steps:
Be aware that you feel bad for some reason at the moment and name these emotions out loud in your head. This is the first and very important step, because people often get nervous or are unsure of themselves and they don’t even know why. Therefore, awareness of the problem is very important.
The second step is to realize that your complexes are only your own individual assessment of yourself, which is an illusion. Someone else with the same problem as you have can accept it completely and feel great about it. Be aware that you do not have to feel bad and it's just a matter of your thinking. Look at the people around you and notice that no one apart from you pays as much attention to the problem you’re so worried up about.
Step three: do not force yourself to relax, just accept the way that you feel. Tell yourself: “I am concerned and I accept it.”. Observe this emotion for a while and just let it happen.
When you become aware of what you feel, you'll know that this is only your way of accepting reality, not the reality itself and when you stop fighting that emotion, you’ll be able to see through this mechanism and all the negative feelings will pass much faster. The faster, the more you follow these three rules.
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