Relationships end because one partner gradually stops caring about the other. Most often I have advised what to do in order to boost the feelings of the other person. But what to do when you stop caring? In this text I’m going to tell you how to change this state at two levels: how to influence your own feelings, and how to influence your partner.
If you stop caring about someone, it’s usually due to the following reasons:
- Your partner is showing you too much attention.
- Or definitely too little.
In the first case, interest in the other person is often shown in a very negative way. Your boyfriend or girlfriend show you that they cannot live without you and that they are totally addicted to you. On the one hand, they want to be with you and they do much for you, but on the other they often show jealousy, blame you for insignificant things, easily get angry, etc. This kind of behaviour disrupts the emotional balance in your relationship, and you start wondering if you still want to be with the other person. If you want to care more, the first thing you should do is influencing the behaviour of your partner and repairing the emotional balance.
All kinds of your partner’s behaviour show up because you have possibly been too cold up to this point. Your partner notices it, or feels it subconsciously, and he/she is afraid that they may lose you. That’s why, in order not to lose you, they try to be nice, fight for you, spend as much time as possible with you, etc. But on the other hand, they are also insecure with regard to what you feel for them – so jealousy and suspicion will easily appear. All kinds of your losing interest in your partner (for instance, not writing back) will be taken personally and they will cause even greater anxiety – and you will not even notice it.
A remedy for this situation is showing your partner more attention, even if you are not willing to. If your partner notices that you started caring, he/she will be less prone to all the negative kinds of behaviour and desperately showing interest. Thanks to that, you will be able to truly engage in a relationship.
An additional thing worth doing in such a situation is showing your partner what kind of mistakes he or she makes. In order to do that show them a few of my articles or videos concerning relationships. It is also important to talk about things that you like in your relationship and things that you would like to change.
In the meantime, you can work on the feelings towards your boyfriend or girlfriend on your own. If you have already stopped caring, there is huge likelihood that some small patterns of behaviour, that you didn’t care about before, have already started to irritate you. If it is so, try to reverse your way of thinking and do the following exercise:
- Think what you like the most in your partner.
- Think for what you are most grateful to your partner.
- Try to focus on how much you love the other person and strengthen this feeling. If it’s hard, try to imagine how your relationship would look like if you suddenly started to love your partner much more.
Repeat this exercise very often. Thanks to this you will change your way of perceiving your partner and you will start to notice more positive sides of him or her.
For the end, let’s consider one more case – what to do if you both stopped caring? First, focus on yourself and regularly do the exercise that I’ve just shown you. Apart from that, get to know what to do in order for your partner to start caring more about you – and this topic has been discussed in detail in my materials.
See course: How to build and repair a relationship 3.0
Remember that using all these methods will require some time. Both the change in behaviour of your partner and the change of your attitude are processes which can last up to a few weeks – that’s why you must be patient.