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It is your fault. Words that destroy relationships

One of the most common reasons for the breakdown of relations is the inability to communicate well with your partner. And bad communication concerns hurting our partners unconsciously. Such a situation happens not only in the context of male-women relations, but this very topic concerns all human relations. A perfect example of this is a totally silly idea of blaming our partner for... anything. And that's what today's video will be about.



Imagine a young couple - Michael and Julia, who are going to a family meeting. They are already late. Julia started to prepare herself much earlier and was ready to leave home with plenty of time. Despite rushing Michael, he was so slow that they left 15 minutes after the planned time. When they were closing the door, Michael realized that once again he had forgotten where he had put the keys to the apartment and was looking for them for the next 20 minutes.

On top of that, he forgot to refill the car, even though he promised to do so and instead of going straight to the meeting, the couple still had to go to the station. This was definitely not the best day in Michael's life.

If they had been brought to court to adjudicate who of these two: Michael or Julia was guilty of this delay, the court would have decided without a doubt that Michael was to blame. Julia was hoping that they would make it on time and was extremely frustrated by the fact that her husband screwed up the whole situation so badly.

The question is: What will Julia achieve by showing Michael that it is his fault that they are late?

Let's look at the four answers:

A: It will make him become aware of certain facts. She will make him realize that he could have done something better.

B: It will make a similar situation never happen again.

C: It will make Michael love Julia even more.

D: It will cause arguments and most likely destroy the atmosphere by the end of the day.

When we think about it, it's obvious that the answer D is correct, and yet when we're in emotions, it's very difficult for most people to refrain from such a terrible, absurd decision, which is to blame the person we love.

Let us see what this whole situation looks like from the perspective of Michael. He was already embarrassed when they were leaving the house. When he couldn't find the key and then had to go to the station, his frustration and anxiety skyrocketed and he knew perfectly well that it was his fault that they were late. He knew that Julia was very upset about it. If such situations happen often, there is a problem with putting away the keys in the same place and setting the rules for leaving the house early.

However, looking for the solution to these problems should definitely not start in a tense atmosphere in the car. If Julia emphasizes her husband's guilt, he feels attacked and becomes immune to all suggestions. He looks for defense and excuses.

What's worse, he may sometimes counterattack and remind Julia of things from the past that show that she was to blame for in certain situations. The discussion leads nowhere, the problem is unsolved and the atmosphere is spoiled.

Therefore, it is much better for Julia to show her support for her husband. She could say: "Honey, take it easy. Of course, I wanted to be on time, but if we're already late, it's better to relax and not spoil our moods.


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