Jealousy. When it’s not worth showing it? Check!
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Jealousy. When it’s not worth showing it? Check!

To understand the problem with jealousy, first you have to realize that when you're jealous of your girlfriend or boyfriend, you show yourself from a very unattractive side. Showing jealousy once from time to time may even be considered romantic and can please your partner, but being notoriously jealous can quickly reduce your attractiveness and eventually destroy your relationship.

You will never be able to control your partner completely. They need to control themselves. The biggest barrier, which will prevent them from cheating on you will be their feelings for you. Continuous blaming and controlling your partner demonstrates that you’re scared of losing them. It shows your weakness and breaks the balance of feelings. So, paradoxically, your attempts to stop your partner from cheating may even increase the likelihood of cheating.

People usually very overdo showing jealousy. You don’t need to be jealous when your girlfriend or boyfriend goes to a party and dances there with a stranger. Do not be jealous that someone’s hugging your partner on a group picture or when someone greets your boyfriend or girlfriend by giving them a kiss on the cheek. These situations are not a threat to your relationship.

The probability that your partner will cheat on you with someone they met in a club or on the street is very small. Cheating frequently happens with ex partners or with the person with whom your boyfriend or girlfriend has frequent contact, for example, someone who they see at work every day. Therefore, if you see a threat like this, you should talk about it to your partner, but do it peacefully and calmly. Most often it’s not a good idea to forbid anything, because it is very ineffective and will only expose you to insincerity.

If you have already blamed your partner for flirting with someone before and now you find out that for example your partner was at some work party and lied to you that they were staying at home, it does not necessarily mean that they’re cheating on you. Dishonesty is the result of your negative attitude. Your partner knows that you'd be mad, so they prefer not to tell you anything. Then why did they go there instead of meeting you? Because if their feelings are weakened and you’re being negative, they’re no longer motivated to spend time with you.

Another situation when people clearly overdo showing jealousy is when they constantly reproach their partner for an event that took place in the past or still make allusions to this event. Even if currently there is no basis for this. I mean something like: "Did you sleep with Adam again?" or "If I’m so terrible go and see Agatha." Such claims will not fix your relationship or make your partner learn anything. On the contrary, they’ll make your partner even more distanced from you.

The most important conclusion about this is that the display of jealousy is a self-perpetuating vicious circle. The more you’re jealous, the more you will be lied to and more reasons you will have to be jealous. But when you're done with jealousy and grudges and when you stop controlling your partner, then the balance between you will be fixed you’ll get closer once again.

If you want to check your relationship's condition, please take a short and completely free test.

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See you next week!
Robert Marchel


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