If you look back, you will surely remember how much insecurity and fear, or even suffering, was caused in your life by the so-called love to a woman or a man. But should this feeling that you had then be even called love? Is it possible to love and, at the same time, not to feel those negative emotions, this insecurity and fear? It is, and today I’m going to present this topic in detail. See 6 significant differences between real and paper love.
See how 2 different relationships look like: Meg loves her partner with real love, and Mark loves his paper girlfriend. Mark’s happiness depends on whether he is with his partner or not. He is happy only when his relationship works well, but when he feels that his girlfriend starts to drifts away from him, or if she does something which he doesn’t like, fear and anger appear. He believes that it is his girlfriend that is a source of happiness, so he tries to make her stay at all costs.
Meg knows that her happiness does not depend on whether she is in a relationship with her boyfriend or not. She approaches her relationship with the following attitude: “I love you very much, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but if you don’t want to, I will understand.”
Mark tries to steer his partner and control her. He tells her what to do. If he does not achieve what
he wants, he feels bad and expresses anger towards his partner. Meg talks about her needs with her
partner but she respects her partner’s will. She never forces him to do anything which he does not want. If something does not go in her favour, she understands that her partner has his own life and
his own will, and she is not angry with him.
Mark cares, above all, about his own happiness, but he thinks that he cares about his partner. He is certain that he would do anything for her, but when he finds out that his girlfriend wants to be with someone else, paper love turns into real hostility. In contrast, Meg really cares about the happiness of her boyfriend. When he leaves her and chooses a different partner, she is not angry with him. She
does not want him to be forced into being with her, if he does not want to be with her out of his own will. She is not angry with him and she doesn’t hate him. Actually, quite contrary, she wishes him well all the time.
Mark, unknowingly, treats his girlfriend as a tool to achieve happiness. He thinks that he loves her, but he actually loves the possibilities that he has thanks to her, such as the feeling of safety, the opportunity to spend time with someone, sex, the approval of his relatives, etc. That’s why if the tool does not fulfil its functions, anger appears. When he is about to lose his tool, fear appears, and when a relationship breaks up and he finds a new girlfriend, he feels indifferent towards his ex-girlfriend or he feels resentment towards her because his tool has let him down. In contrast, Meg loves the real person, not what she gets thanks to this person.
Due to Mark’s attitude, it is easy to hurt him. He keeps his anger inside for a long time and often does not demand apologies. It is hard to hurt Meg, because she has no expectations. She also doesn’t have complexes and does not take things personally. She forgives his partner absolutely everything, because she knows that keeping your anger and hostility inside hurts, above all, herself. She never demands apologies. Instead, she ensures that her partner understands his mistake.
Paper love is full of expectations, fear and dependence on the other person. Real love has no expectations – it gives full freedom, and because of that there is no fear in it. Paper love is the cause
of desperation. Real love is the essence of an attractive attitude.
If you’re interested in this topic, I strongly recommend watching my course “How to build and repair relationships”. You can find it on the website robertmarchel.com or click on the button which appear on the screen.