|Imagine that you go to a car dealership and the salesperson takes you on a test drive. It turns out that this is a very nice man. The more you talk to him while driving the more you feel that you could make friends with him. But does this mean that the vendor sees you as a friend? He is there because he wants something from you. He has expectations of you. He sees you through the prism of your expectations and what you can do for him. By this he does not even see what you really are, or what you feel.|
Unfortunately, the same is true of our relationships. The biggest obstacle to true love is our mutual emotional dependence on a partner. Our expectations for a partner, which there is a lot of, and and the fact that we don’t even know about most of them. And the greatest of these is the expectation that your partner will make you happy.
Most people deeply believe that their happiness can only be achieved thanks to their partners and that they are the ones to constantly supply it. That's why they look at them as the vendor looks at the client and really cannot see the real person that they are. They love their partner as they love their new mobile phone.
- Because they can talk through it,
- Because they can browse the internet and play games,.
- Because it has a beautiful display and is very functional.
But when it stop working as it should, then they begin to see a worthless scrap and they’ll be pissed about that. But worst of all in the case of the phone they are perfectly aware that they do not love the device itself, but all of those features, you have at hand thanks to it. But when you're in a relationship you think you love your partner... not what you get thanks to him.
All you have to do to get rid of this expectation, is to realize that your partner is not just there to make you happy. It is your task. You also have to realize that you can be happy, regardless of whether you are together or not. Only when you stop wondering whether you are attractive enough to your partner, or if they still love you enough, or if they haven’t met anyone else, only when you demanding things of them and stop trying to control them and tell them what to do, only then will you be able to see the real person and not the non-existent image that you created in your head. And this is a necessary step for true love.
What does not being dependent on your partner really mean? This means that when he will meet with friends instead of you - you will respect their choice and you do not have the slightest problem with it. You wouldn’t want them to meet you if they didn’t want to do that themselves. You are happy that they are enjoying themselves and you don’t feel bad about it for a second. But you also don’t force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable with, and sometimes you can tell your partner NO.
You stop being jealous of your partner and you stop checking on them. You’re calm not because you are sure that they won’t cheat on you, but because you’re doing well, even if they choose another person, and you will not be together.
You enjoy the time you spend together and love hanging out with your partner, but when they are not next to you do not worry about it, or miss them. You live your life and don’t have any fear in you or emptiness, because of the lack of a partner next to you.
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